Jessica's NYC Marathon Race Report - Running without Joy

It feels strange to have been granted an experience that so many hope to have, try for year after year only to be denied, and to have that experience fall far short of your expectations. What follows is my account of running without joy in one of the greatest marathons in the world.

It took a surprising amount of convincing on Abbie’s part to get me to agree to run 12 marathons in one year. One might think that, as twelve marathons in one year is most absolutely a BAD IDEA, I would have been on board immediately, but one would be wrong. Eventually, after many conversations during runs and post-run beverage consumption sessions, I agreed to a year of marathons. What I did not know upon agreeing was that Robby Blaze would also find us a way to enter one of the largest marathons in the world.

In 2019, more than 50,000 runners toed the line at the New York City Marathon. This was a race that, while incredibly popular, was never on my own personal racing radar. I detest lottery systems (while acknowledging the necessity), I’m not fast enough to meet time qualifying standards, and I didn’t even know about the 9+1 program prior to this year. NYC just wasn’t a race I ever dreamed of running. But when Robby’s career connections found spots for us on Team TCS, I couldn’t say no, even with 12 other marathons on the books for the year.

It’s incredibly difficult for me to travel during the school year, the plight of the teacher, but I was able to take a personal day the Monday after the race, so we made it a long weekend. My husband and fellow BIM Team Member, Dan, and I flew out on Friday after work. After arriving in Newark and making a long trek into the city, full of the expected travel woes, we arrived at our hotel in Long Island City. We said a brief hello to Rob and Abbie before heading out to Dutch Kills, a spectacular speak-easy and one of the best cocktail bars I’ve ever visited. It was late, but a girl needs a drink after all that travel.

The next morning brought with it a delightful visit to Partners Coffee Shop in Long Island City and travel into Manhattan for packet pickup. Maybe this is where I should have had my first inkling that the New York City Marathon would not be for me. I love a good race expo, but this one left me overwhelmed and itching to get out. And while it was fun to have some good photo ops and to see my name on the wall, I was grateful when we exited and went back out into the city to do some walking around town. We waited approximately 8 million years to get our Strava-earned pizza at the New Balance Pizza Co. and then began what Team Bad Ideas Multisport is best at: a drinking tour of the city the day before a marathon. Why not?

We first visited Other Half Brewing Company in Brooklyn, which was packed to the gills, before quickly retreating to the much-more-our-style Strong Rope Brewery. There were brewery doggos. We could have stayed all day. But instead, our next stop was the much talked about Butter and Scotch, a feminist bar and bakery in Crowne Heights, Brooklyn. I had the “Fuck Gender Roles” and a “Disco Nap” shot along with sharing some s’mores pie. It was, for lack of a better word, DIVINE. Our last stop of the night was an incredible Italian restaurant, Supper, before heading back to the hotel. It was going to be an early, long morning.

Due to differences in our race start times, Rob opted to take the super early Team TCS bus to Staten Island, while Abbie and I caught a ride on a slightly less early bus. Just before 6am we were lined up outside of the New York City Public Library and by 6:30 we were on the bus and on the road. I couldn’t believe how many people there were, how many in the line, how many busses, and yet how efficiently everything moved. At this point in the morning I was in awe, riding high on pre-race jitters. I was excited. I was terrified. I was everything I should be before a big race. We arrived in Staten Island and moved through security more quickly than I had anticipated. What a great sign, I thought. This is going better than expected! We wound our way through the start village and I realized how out of my element I was. I had never seen or experienced a pre-race quite like this. There were so many people, so many layers of clothing ready to be shed and donated. I was overwhelmed. And even though it too was packed full of people from wall to wall, I was beyond grateful to be able to sit and wait for our race start in the Team TCS Tent. (Most especially, let’s be honest, grateful for the access to the Team TCS port-o-jons). It was while hanging around the tent that I saw Mirna Valerio, incredible athlete and advocate for inclusivity in the running community, who was gracious enough to indulge my fangirling and take a photo with me. I was riding high, but the joy wouldn’t last.

If I’m being honest, this is the moment of the day when things went wrong for me. And I’m not sure what exactly I could have done differently. An 11am start time was something I had not experienced before (a noon start time for a 50 miler, yes. But that’s another story). My pre-marathon fueling plan has become drinking some water before a race start. I don’t suggest it to anyone, it’s much preferred to get some calories in you before a big effort like a marathon, but after 26 marathons at that date, it’s what worked for me. I struggle to eat anything prior to 10am on a normal day, let alone race day, so while I knew I needed to get something into my stomach, it was incredibly difficult. I found myself proud that I consumed a bottle of Gatorade, a tiny banana, and approximately ¾ of a bagel while we waited around for 2.5 hours before our race started. What I would learn rather quickly is that this would be both too much in my stomach and not enough. I’m not sure if this was what contributed to my sort of sad race experience, but it sure didn’t help.

Eventually it was time to walk through the start village and find our way into the starting corrals. Again, it would still be some time before the race began for us. Running NYC is a practice in patience and waiting. We eventually made our way to the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, got the crap scared out of us by a cannon marking the start of our race, heard a rousing rendition of “New York, New York,” and were on our way. I’ll always be deeply grateful for the sunshine as we made our way over the upper level of the bridge. The views were stunning and it was incredibly entertaining to watch all of the runners that stopped mid-traverse to take selfies of themselves on the bridge. Clearly, we were not in the competitive pace zone.

After leaving Staten Island, next up was Brooklyn. We lived in that borough for approximately 11 miles and it certainly felt like forever. It was in Brooklyn that Abbie and I stopped for some port-o-jon usage, waiting in line for what also felt like forever. Those port-o-jons were well-used by the time we got around to them, but I was admittedly grateful for the stop.

You are never, ever alone in NYC. It is most definitely a near-constant party. As much as I hate, hate, hate hills, I was most grateful for each bridge we crossed. For a moment, the race would grow quiet and I could just be, even if being meant feeling sick, sluggish, and slow.

At the halfway point we crossed the Pulaski Bridge into Long Island City, Queens, most surprisingly seeing Dan spectating out on the course. After only about 2.5 miles we crossed over the East River into Manhattan via the Queensboro Bridge. That climb, you guys….oh man that climb. But again, this was probably one of my favorite moments of the race because of the quiet and the feelings of solidarity. The majority of us were all slogging up the bridge, just doing the best we could, and I could feel that connection with everyone around me.

We spent a little time in Manhattan, running north on First Avenue, relishing the sight of a doggo running the marathon. #BadIdeasApproved We crossed into the Bronx via the Willis Avenue Bridge, and after just one mile crossed back into Manhattan and then into Harlem. The most absolutely joyful moment of the day was the second I realized that Lauren, Abbie’s colleague and our friend, was out cheering. She was standing in this lovely neighborhood, the houses reminiscent of Sesame Street, and her truly authentic joy just made me so so so happy. I think I deeply wanted to stay there, in that moment, feeling that happy, but there was a race to finish, of course.

We made our way down Fifth Avenue, probably the most difficult part of the day for me. You’re running next to, and then in, Central Park, but you know you still have a 5k to go. The sun is starting to set. It’s late. You’re tired. And you just want to be DONE. I felt awful, running into Central Park. It was so beautiful, probably the prettiest section of the course, and I couldn’t enjoy it. I wanted to...I could imagine how lovely it would be to run those pathways with the late afternoon sun streaming through. I wanted to be filled with absolute joy and happiness. Instead, I was in ultimate Eeyore mode: tired, sick, and grumpy. I just wanted to be done. Eventually, the race pops out of Central Park and runs west along 59th Street/Central Park South for the last mile. Runners head back into Central Park at Columbus Circle, finishing next to Tavern on the Green. Dan and Rob timed the finish line spectating well, and thanks to our connections they were able to be right next to the finish line as we crossed in 5:52:19.

I can’t imagine the next moments for the majority of runners. You’ve just finished this incredible 26.2 mile journey and you’re not really done. You’ve had to choose if you wanted a checked bag or a poncho at the end of your race, and you have to walk at least another half mile until you can get to your exit from Central Park. Thanks to running with Team TCS, Abbie and I were able to grab our checked bags, some seriously warm ponchos, and a bag of snacks within steps of the finish line. We walked a bit further and found Dan and Rob. I walked right into Dan’s arms and just cried. I felt so, so sick. My stomach was a disaster and I was tired and I just wanted to sit there and be sad. I was so disappointed in the day, but mostly in myself...that I couldn’t get out of my head (and my grumpy stomach) and enjoy an incredible marathon in one of the greatest cities in the world.

Thankfully, Dan had been living his best life in NYC, spectating and drinking and eating, and he was in a super happy mood, absolutely able to make good choices and take care of me. We went to the Team TCS Finish party at Tavern on the Green and I had a beer(s) and a giant plate of mashed potatoes and slowly felt myself turning back into a human.

The NYC Marathon is a marathon experience like no other. It’s an experience I never thought I would personally have. I felt like shit and ran like shit and had a shit attitude, and it’s a damn good thing that Abbie still wants to be my friend after having to hang out with me that day. I still live with this feeling of guilt that I got to run NYC and didn’t have the joyous experience that I had expected, like I took someone else’s space who would have enjoyed and appreciated it more. But at the same time, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I wouldn’t go back and decide not to run the race. I wouldn’t change the difficulty or the struggle. On that day, in New York City, I was reminded again of the things that really matter: breathing, being alive, smiling, struggle, and some of the greatest friendships I have known.

Will I run NYC again? Never say never, but like 99% no. But my marathon and ultra marathon adventures are certainly not over. Cheers to the next adventure, always! What marathon is a MUST run in your book? Leave a comment and let us know where we should run next!